AND THERE WOULD BE TIMES AFTER A PARTICULARLY BEAUTIFUL DARSHAN
WITH HIM WHEN HE'D SAY TO ME : "OH ! YOU GAVE MUCH MONEY TO A LAMA."
AND I'D SAY YES AND HE'D SAY : "YOU'RE VERY GOOD, YOU'RE COMING ALONG
WITH YOUR SADHANA." AND I FELT SO GOOD AND THEN I'D GO BACK TO THE
TEMPLE AND THINK "BOY ! I'M GOING TO BE A GREAT YOGI. I'LL HAVE GREAT
POWERS. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH THEM ?" ... AND I'D START TO HAVE
THESE HORRIBLE THOUGHTS AND ALL MY IMPURITIES WOULD RISE TO
THE SURFACE AND THEY WOULD REALLY BE... AND THEN I'D GO TO BED
AND HAVE ALL KINDS OF SEXUAL FANTASIES AND I'D THINK
"LOOK YOU'RE BEING A YOGI AND YOU SEE THE ABSURDITY OF THAT
SITUATION YOU'RE IN..." BUT I'D STILL HAVE THE THOUGHT.
AND THEN, IN THE COURSE OF IT, I'D HAVE A THOUGHT
(I'D BE GOING THROUGH MY SHOULDER BAG AND COME ACROSS A NOTE
I'D WRITTEN TO MYSELF : "REMEMBER TO VISIT LAMA GOVINDA")
AND I'D THINK, "I MUST VISIT LAMA GOVINDA WHILE I'M IN INDIA."

AND THE NEXT MORNING AT 8 O'CLOCK THERE IS THE MESSENGER WITH
INSTRUCTIONS : "THE GURU SAID YOU'RE TO GO VISIT LAMA GOVINDA."

NOW THERE ISN'T A MESSAGE SAYING : "CUT OUT THOSE SEXUAL THOUGHTS",
BUT HE MUST OBVIOUSLY KNOW THEM. DO YOU THINK HE JUST PICKED UP
ON THE LAMA GOVINDA THING ?

CAN I ASSUME THE PROBABILITIES ARE HE ONLY TUNES IN
EVERY TIME I HAVE A POSITIVE THOUGHT ?

AND THEN I COME BEFORE HIM AND NOW I'M FREAKED BECAUSE I KNOW
HE KNOWS IT ALL : AND I WALK IN, AND HE

LOOKS AT ME WITH TOTAL

L O V E

AND I THINK : HOW CAN HE DO IT ?
THIS GUY MUST BE NUTS ! HE'S LOVING
THIS CORRUPT ... WHY ISN'T HE ... ?
YOU SEE THE PREDICAMENT I WAS IN ?
AND THEN ! WHAT I UNDERSTOOD WAS :
HE WAS LOVING THAT IN ME WHICH WAS
BEHIND MY PERSONALITY AND BEHIND
MY BODY
NOT : "I REALLY LOVE RAM DASS"
IT WASN'T INTERPERSONAL LOVE
IT WASN'T POSSESSIVE LOVE
IT WASN'T NEEDFUL LOVE
IT WAS THE FACT THAT
HE ISLOVE


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